maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
