Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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