i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
