Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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