How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
