Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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