hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
