His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
