I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
