And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
