I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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