apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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