imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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