Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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