I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
