anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
