I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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