tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
