hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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