You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
