The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
