Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
