wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
