remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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