Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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