I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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