my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
