is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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