What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Vodka?
Forever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
