She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
