How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
