i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
