you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
