I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
