Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
