I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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