Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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