My pussy is not your playground.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
