you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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