i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
