Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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