Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
