I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
