life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I am spending my child support on dildos
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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