I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
