Will you blow on my dice?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
