I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
