I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
