And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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