Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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