If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
