What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Pooping to opera.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
