I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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