Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
