Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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