He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
