dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
